Today I set in my company 's library room reading the reading the text messages that the deceased Reeva Steenkamp who was murdered by her boyfriend Oscar Pistorius sent to Oscar while she was still alive. It was something familiar to me, i have sent and saw my friends sent such messages, but still it was sad knowing she died such an unhappy person and alone.
Minutes later I picked myself up to leave the library, I reached for my phone and started scrolling down my twitter when i realized that these messages have caused such a hype around the country as people came to the realization that Oscar was emotionally abusing Reeva,often humiliating her in front of people and accusing her of flirting with other men.
Many of the people I follow expressed their view on how they think Oscar should go to jail and how he is such a bad person.All these i agree to, Oscar murdered a person, whether intentionally or not he has to face the consequences.But Its not Oscar's behaviors that captured my attention, Its actually Reevas. The.The thought of her going through all that and still allowing herself to stay in such a relationship to her death was tormenting.
Many of us have been in abusive relationships , most of us emotionally abused just like her but have never been in a relationship where you even fear for your life but i know there are women out there enduring physical abuse from their husbands/boyfriend.As I was busy pondering on this tragic story an idea came to my mind- It all boils down to SELF WORTH
I, for one stayed in toxic relationship for a number of years claiming i know what I'm worth but never taking a stand and being what i think I'm worth.I would spend so much of my time and energy telling him how i felt, and how i want to be treated,he would listen and apologize but still continue to do the same things that he is fully aware grieves my heart ,because he knew no matter what i say i would ACCEPT it.For so long i pretended in front of my friends to happy, I would make up stories about how romantic he is but still go back home to the inconsiderate guy who didn't respect and love me
Until one summer afternoon I had visited a friend of mine after just finding out that he was cheating on me with one of my friends.Well, I have always known hes cheating but have always manged to comfort myself with the notion that he respects me enough to hide hes side chicks from me,Stupid i know!.When He confessed to me that he is indeed sleeping with Lerato, I had a panic attack,I started having questions , i wondered if he still loved me, made up excuses for him, got angry and finally decided to leave and get some fresh air. I was down and tormented and needed to talk to someone.
My friend and I Set watching the TV when suddenly i burst into tears.I didn't understand how after i have given him so much, he would have the audacity to do such a thing to me.For full ten minutes I wept and wept until my throat was sour.Without thinking about it I reached for the phone dialed his number and waited.My heart pondered like speakers in a club.... "Hello" A woman's voice answered the phone.It was my so called friend Lerato-I knew her voice all too well
The room went silent, like shock moments after a gun shot as my friend reached out her hand to remove the phone from my shaking hand.We said no words to each other that night, hours later i was watching her sleep until the morning.
She made me coffee and asked me to sit that morning.I felling a little ashamed on the events of the night before, i dragged myself to the chair she had pulled out for me just next to the TV.She held my hand whispered "You are very beautiful and you deserve the best".Trying to hide the tear for my eye I quickly looked down and by the time i raised my eyes she had reached out to wipe the tears from my eyes.So many of the things she said that morning i did not grasp ,but i remember her emphasizing on my worth.
She said it so many times months later it was still replaying in my head.
Six months later i had met another guy,He wasn't sure what he wanted but for some reason wanted to be in a relationship with me. A week into the relationship he was schooling me on accepting men as they are because other women out there would kill to just be in relationship.He expressed how he is not romantic and will never be and how we should only chat and never call each other.Without any hesitation I left him, I remember that after the break up, my friend's words kept playing repeatedly and loudly in my head.
It was not just words anymore It was a believe.I believed i was worthy and I was being worthy.Even to this moment I am still holding tight to my believe " Treat people with respect and expect the same,If they decide to intentionally treat me bad.They have to go.No exception". And the fruits of this believe is that goodness gravitate towards me and I to it.
I wish that at some point in Reeva's life, someone could have told her what my friend told me and maybe, just maybe she would still be alive today.But wishes are for children
I just hope that a lot of us would learn from Reeva's story and change our ways.Abuse is a serious issue and a lot of women die in silence, but it shouldn't have to be like that.
With all that been said i feel i need to share with the things i have picked up on my journey of worthiness and self realization.
First of all it is important to accept God’s love and opinion of us,this is the foundation of confidence. A woman who possesses spiritual confidence attracts more love, abundance and goodness into her life. We attract what we are. We get back what we give. Confidence is nurtured when we chose a life that honors our values, beliefs and desires. A confident woman is in a power position; she inspires others to live their truth and fearlessly pursue their own destiny. Her appropriate view of herself gives others the courage to shine. When we own up to our authentic self we grow in confidence. Authenticity is the bedrock of confidence. Being authentic is not about adding more to ourselves, it is about removing whatever is not true.
The Lie vs. the Truth
There is a “soul-lie” that attacks the self-worth of countless women. The lie is: “You are “not enough.” When women succumb to the “not enough” lie, they fall into the dangerous trap of self-judgment. Self-judgment is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe we are unworthy, we subconsciously create a life that confirms this belief. We often blame God for the life our own fear and mistrust creates. We rise or fall because of our beliefs. We cannot add anything that will make us more. We are created in the image of God. We lack nothing. Our job is not to “fix” ourselves. Our job is to accept, embrace and nurture our wholeness within God’s love.
The two most important questions
What do you believe about God? What do you believe about yourself? Your answer to those two questions set the course of your destiny in motion. The answer to that question is the difference between inner security and insecurity.
Inner Security vs. Insecurity.
Having inner security heals impatience, fear and the need to strive. When we find ourselves striving to prove our worth, we have already forgotten our value. Confidence confirms that we have nothing left to prove. Insecurity sabotages even the good things that come into our lives. Insecurity always seeks to prove our most hidden fear right: the secret fear that we are not worthy of love. This lack of inner security stems from our disbelief in God’s goodness. A lack of inner security stems from our disbelief in our own beauty, brilliance and value.
Whose opinion really matters?
The greater our need for self-worth, the more we are prone to seek validation of our worth through performance or the opinions of people. Low self-worth is intensified when we look to the external. Our opinion of ourselves and God is what matters most. Refuse to allow any belief that is contrary to God’s opinion of you to take root in your heart. Anything that attacks our self-worth is a lie. In order to accomplish the great vision and purpose for our lives we need confidence. It is crucial to our emotional and spiritual survival. Our ability to trust God, trust ourselves and trust the process is a reflection of spiritual confidence. When women are confident of their calling (purpose) and the love of our Creator–we radiate a peace and abundance that money can never buy.
You are all beautiful and deserve to be loved and cherished in the same way you love and cherish others
