Had I known

Had I known when I was much younger, 
much earlier in my ascension that neither I, nor my soul ever really cared for all the wonderful fantasies fed to me,
I would have fought harder against all my acquired insecurities that nourished the growth of my pretendings.

On Body Image

On Body Image

"The mass audience doesn't want to see you if you aren't perfect. If you don't look a certain way, if you don't have big pecs and great skin and the perfect eyes. And it's unfortunate, because kids are growing up with body image dysmorphia because not everyone is represented on the screen" - Chris Pine

The importance of Feminism

Feminist; it is a term that has lost its initial meaning overtime. The term feminist has distressingly been given a negative connotation, and many have the misconception that a feminist is a stereotypical man-hating vegan activist who believe that men are the cause of all the problems in this world. It has been even altered to the term ‘feminazi,’ belittling feminism to something equivalent to contributing to a tragic mass genocide. Feminism is not the hatred of men, nor is it the belief that women are better than men. It is also not a stereotype. Feminism, by definition, is “the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.” Let me stress on one word in that definition: equality. Feminism revolves around equality, and it is crucial to the development of any society. 

Being a feminist is not limited to running through the streets with signs and spitting in the faces of anti-feminists, it is standing for your rights and knowing that feminism is important. A woman who decides to be a full time mother and homemaker, but believes that she is equal to her husband, is no less a feminist than a vegan female boxer/part-time firefighter. Same way a man who believes women like his mother and sister deserves equal rights, is no less a feminist. You don’t have to be an activist to be a feminist, but you must recognize the importance of equality. 

This brings us to a pressing question, why is being a feminist so important? 

1. It values human life

Being a misogynist demeans the value of women, hence being a feminist recognizes the worth of females’ equivalent to that of men. With the belief that women are of less value than men, gives men the belief that treating women like animals is acceptable. This mindset justifies the verbal and physical abuse of women.  Abuse, especially within a household, affects the family more than just the recipient of the abuse. It sets an example to their sons that hitting their wives or sisters is acceptable and creates a vicious cycle. 

To that, when a woman is a feminist, she knows her value and her rights. She knows that she is no better than a man, and a man is no better than she is. This boosts her self-esteem, and gives her motivational drive from the knowledge that she can achieve as much as a man can. 

This brings me to my next point. 

2. It opens up opportunities

Opportunity is a factor that influences the success of people. When women are depreciated to less value, then they are given less opportunities and they will be placed in the belief that they do not deserve those opportunities. When the belief that a woman is of equal value as man is spread, then the acknowledgement of the needs of women will be spread as well. A major opportunity, for example, is education. There are countless benefits of the improved education of women.  When a woman is given education, she knows what she deserves, and will make an effort to give that for her daughter. 

The opportunities that they are given will hopefully teach them to be independent, and to be their own person instead of living underneath the identity of their husbands. With educated and empowered women, there are many positive impacts on the world.

3. It just makes the world a better place 

With women becoming more empowered and given access to opportunities like education, they learn to become better citizens, role models, professionals, and much more. What if the cure for cancer was in the mind of a woman but she was not given the same opportunities as a man?

 With feminism, the world will be based on the foundation of equality. Equality means that no one has more rights than the other; therefore, women are able to be more active citizens who recognize the importance of feminism and teach that down the future generations.

Let us stop the negative connotation of the term feminist. Misogyny is no different than racism, fascism or any other –isms that display prejudice amongst another group of people. It is important to understand the true meaning of feminism before we call ourselves one, or accuse someone of being a ‘feminazi.’

Lessons on Humility

What i have learned  

First of all when talking about humility people always assume you are talking about timidity or becoming a wallflower. Instead, humility simply requires a person to think of his abilities and his actions as no greater, and no lesser, than they really are. Real humility then mandates that a person knows and is completely honest with themselves. He/She honestly assesses what, and to what magnitude he/she possess talents and gifts, struggles and weaknesses.

To me humility is the absence of pride.Most of our lifes we are taught to think pride is a good thing, that to get ahead we should always make ourself seem better that the next person. I grew to realise this is wrong beacuse  pride functions only when comparing others to yourself.It forces one to base their self-worth on how they stack up to others.Whereas , we should focus on ourself and how we can improve.

What one needs to realise is that, each person’s pride is in competition with everyone else’s pride. It is because I wanted to be the big noise at the party that I am so annoyed at someone else being the big noise. Two of a trade never agree. Now what you want to get clear is that Pride is essentially competitive-is competitive by its very nature-while the other vices are competitive only, so to speak, by accident. Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking, there would be nothing to be proud about. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.

As a young girl in my village , pride is what kept me going. The fact that my grades where better that the rest of the class gave me some sort of satisfaction untill we all had to go to University and i found myself at a Technical college- with my high marks ofcourse. It was the talk of the time in my neighbourhood.I was sitting in a technical college with my high marks studying with people that dont even have matric.Life gave me a slap in the face. Did i learn? No! I continued with my pride.I would laugh at how most of the students were baffled by the things i found very simple.

I completed my senior level at the Technical College and decided to futher my studies.Thank God!!this time I got in the Univerity program. Now i was back in the game . Im am now at a University studying towards a respectable career and no one could tell me nothing.Well, so i thought.

We had written our first semester test and waiting for our results. I had studied and was so sure  would get very high marks.News flash- I had failed half of my semester tests and to my suprise, the people i was a explaining a few things to, passed all their tests. The begining of the second semester i saw myself repeating one subject. It wasnt easy and my predicament had nothing to do with me failing the subject, i was ashamed, that the people i thought i was way smarter than, had passed and left me behind.I was no longer the best student..i was not a bad student either, My pride was just standing in my way.

It was exhausting trying to compete with the geniuses in my class.It was even more exhausting not being able to ask for help beacuse my pride wont let me.

When that semester ended and i was still not the number one student, had a few friends due tio my despicable pride. I knew I had to rethink they way I view things.Instead of whining about how so and so got better marks that I, I decided to celebrate what I got and congratulate those that got better grades than I did- they had worked hard for what they got and so did I.It was not a competition!!

The liberation than came with being honest with myself and celebrating other people's success is unexplainable .And to this day,i continue to practice humility, at my work place, in my relationships and to everyone I come across.
I have learned that no person is better than the other. Theres always something to learn from another person.

 Pride makes us artificial, Humility makes us real

KNOW YOUR WORTH

Today I set in my company 's library room reading the reading the text messages that the deceased Reeva Steenkamp who was murdered by her boyfriend Oscar Pistorius sent to Oscar while she was still alive. It was something familiar to me, i have sent and saw my friends sent such messages, but still it was sad knowing she died such an unhappy person and alone.

Minutes later I picked myself up to leave the library, I reached for my phone and started scrolling down my twitter when i realized that these messages have caused such a hype around the country as people came to the realization that Oscar was emotionally abusing Reeva,often humiliating her in front of people and accusing her of flirting with other men.

Many of the people I follow expressed their view on how they think Oscar should go to jail and how he is such a bad person.All these i agree to, Oscar murdered a person, whether intentionally or not he has to face the consequences.But Its not Oscar's behaviors that captured my attention, Its actually Reevas. The.The thought of her going through all that and still allowing herself to stay in such a relationship to her death was tormenting.

Many of us have been in abusive relationships , most of us emotionally abused just like her but have never been in a relationship where you even fear for your life but i know there are women out there enduring physical abuse from their husbands/boyfriend.As I was busy pondering on this tragic story an idea came to my mind- It all boils down to SELF WORTH

I, for one stayed in toxic relationship for a number of years claiming i know what I'm worth but never taking a stand and being what i think I'm worth.I would spend so much of my time and energy telling him how i felt, and how i want to be treated,he would listen and apologize but still continue to do the same things that he is fully aware grieves my heart ,because he knew no matter what i say i would ACCEPT it.For so long i pretended in front of my friends to happy, I would make up stories about how romantic he is but still go back home to the inconsiderate guy who didn't respect and love me

Until one summer afternoon I had visited a friend of mine after just finding out that he was cheating on me with one of my friends.Well, I have always known hes cheating but have always manged to comfort myself with the notion that he respects me enough to hide hes side chicks from me,Stupid i know!.When He confessed to me that he is indeed sleeping with Lerato, I had a panic attack,I started having questions , i wondered if he still loved me, made up excuses for him, got angry and finally decided to leave and get some fresh air. I was down and tormented and needed to talk to someone.

My friend and I Set watching the TV when suddenly i burst into tears.I didn't understand how after i have given him so much, he would have the audacity to do such a thing to me.For full ten minutes I wept and wept until my throat was sour.Without thinking about it I reached for the phone dialed his number and waited.My heart pondered like speakers in a club.... "Hello" A woman's voice answered the phone.It was my so called friend Lerato-I knew her voice all too well

The room went silent, like shock moments after a gun shot as my friend reached out her hand to remove the phone from my shaking hand.We said no words to each other that night, hours later i was watching her sleep until the morning.

She made me coffee and asked me to sit that morning.I felling a little ashamed on the events of the night before, i dragged myself to the chair she had pulled out for me just next to the TV.She held my hand whispered "You are very beautiful and you deserve the best".Trying to hide the tear for my eye I quickly looked down and by the time i raised my eyes she had reached out to wipe the tears from my eyes.So many of the things she said that morning i did not grasp ,but i remember her emphasizing on my worth.

She said it so many times months later it was still replaying in my head.

Six months later i had met another guy,He wasn't sure what he wanted but for some reason wanted to be in a relationship with me. A week into the relationship he was schooling me on accepting men as they are because other women out there would kill to just be in relationship.He expressed how he is not romantic and will never be and how we should only chat and never call each other.Without any hesitation I left him, I remember that after the break up, my friend's words kept playing repeatedly and loudly in my head.

It was not just words anymore It was a believe.I believed i was worthy and I was being worthy.Even to this moment I am still holding tight to my believe " Treat people with respect and expect the same,If they decide to intentionally treat me bad.They have to go.No exception". And the fruits of this believe is that goodness gravitate towards me and I to it.

I wish that at some point in Reeva's life, someone could have told her what my friend told me and maybe, just maybe she would still be alive today.But wishes are for children

I just hope that a lot of us would learn from Reeva's story and change our ways.Abuse is a serious issue and a lot of women die in silence, but it shouldn't have to be like that. 

With all that been said i feel i need to share with the things i have picked up on my journey of worthiness and self realization.

First of all it is important to accept God’s love and opinion of us,this is the foundation of confidence. A woman who possesses spiritual confidence attracts more love, abundance and goodness into her life. We attract what we are. We get back what we give. Confidence is nurtured when we chose a life that honors our values, beliefs and desires. A confident woman is in a power position; she inspires others to live their truth and fearlessly pursue their own destiny. Her appropriate view of herself gives others the courage to shine. When we own up to our authentic self we grow in confidence. Authenticity is the bedrock of confidence. Being authentic is not about adding more to ourselves, it is about removing whatever is not true.

The Lie vs. the Truth 

There is a “soul-lie” that attacks the self-worth of countless women. The lie is: “You are “not enough.” When women succumb to the “not enough” lie, they fall into the dangerous trap of self-judgment. Self-judgment is a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we believe we are unworthy, we subconsciously create a life that confirms this belief. We often blame God for the life our own fear and mistrust creates. We rise or fall because of our beliefs. We cannot add anything that will make us more. We are created in the image of God. We lack nothing. Our job is not to “fix” ourselves. Our job is to accept, embrace and nurture our wholeness within God’s love.

The two most important questions

What do you believe about God? What do you believe about yourself? Your answer to those two questions set the course of your destiny in motion. The answer to that question is the difference between inner security and insecurity.

Inner Security vs. Insecurity.

Having inner security heals impatience, fear and the need to strive. When we find ourselves striving to prove our worth, we have already forgotten our value. Confidence confirms that we have nothing left to prove. Insecurity sabotages even the good things that come into our lives. Insecurity always seeks to prove our most hidden fear right: the secret fear that we are not worthy of love. This lack of inner security stems from our disbelief in God’s goodness. A lack of inner security stems from our disbelief in our own beauty, brilliance and value.

Whose opinion really matters?

The greater our need for self-worth, the more we are prone to seek validation of our worth through performance or the opinions of people. Low self-worth is intensified when we look to the external. Our opinion of ourselves and God is what matters most. Refuse to allow any belief that is contrary to God’s opinion of you to take root in your heart. Anything that attacks our self-worth is a lie. In order to accomplish the great vision and purpose for our lives we need confidence. It is crucial to our emotional and spiritual survival.  Our ability to trust God, trust ourselves and trust the process is a reflection of spiritual confidence. When women are confident of their calling (purpose) and the love of our Creator–we radiate a peace and abundance that money can never buy.

You are all beautiful and deserve to be loved and cherished in the same way you love and cherish others

It all starts with you

It all starts with you

Hi there

In celebration of the women's month, celebration the strong,worthy,beautiful women out there here is a little something to help you keep at it because the world is in desperate need of you WoW factor in you

 My tertiary years were filled so much curiosity, so eager for the world out there and for something much more and like most women i didn't really know who i was, never mind what I'm worth.i was constantly thinking about who I want to become that I forgot to just be me

 First semester was the hardest, having to choose who to make friends with, basically having to entertain everyone before I could decide whether to allow them in my circle. It was lonely I needed someone and dating was not an option especially because it was my 1st semester So i decided to sit back and observe, I had been so hurt in the past that I just wanted to take my time before i can conclude about anyone, little did i know that it was in this quest that I  find myself The semester was over and i still didn't have one i could call a friend, just a few acquaintances. I would take myself out for ice cream, go shopping by myself and ultimately found myself smiling to jokes i had made up in my mind, I was happy and for the first time i

didn't need anyone to make me happy. Lesson learned: You don't need people to make you happy, all you need is a shift of mindset. Happiness is an inside job

That is when i realised how strong i actually am because i had allowed myself to stand alone.To my surprise a lot of people started gravitating toward me .I had found the joy in me and i was able to share it with others. I didn't have to force it, it came naturally

A woman who follows the crowd is most likely to go further than the crowd. The woman who walks alone is likely to find herself in places no one has ever been before- Albert Einstein

I had found my true happiness but it wasn't enough i had to take a step away from the shore and discover new oceans and there was no better way to do that than involve myself with confident positive thinking people. It had taken me too long to realize I'm beautiful just as I am,i couldn't stand still or move backwards i had to elevate I decided to join the student society in my department, I went to the interview and later that day i got a text that said i made it into the committee. The next day i went to my first meeting in the committee, I was confused and to be honest didn’t get anything they said there, they all seemed just too serious

 i took strain at the most simples tasks, i wanted to quit. I didn’t fit it, “these people seem to know what they are doing and I don’t” the voice in my head would intervene once or twice during the meetings.I thought long and hard about quitting, it seemed a much easier solution at the time until the chairperson one day a had a talk with me It was winter afternoon,cold and hazy, we walked together to the students residence like we always do after the meetings, he said "You know most of us are leaving right?,  we hoping that you guys can continue with the committee and i know you guys can do it". I politely said "ok". i couldnt explain the fear i had for continuing, we were losing valuable members and i just didn’t see myself doing anything without them.

I decided to stay.It wasnt easy ,I had to convince myself that it wasnt that bad.The new chairperson was a guy who had no leadership experience, even the smallest thing as chairing a meeting was an torment for him. I had to support him because i understood his terror, i was affraid myself , probably more afraid than him.To add to ur ordeal even the students didnt think we would survive Days had gone by and we had to organise our first event. I had to do something about this fear,i had to confront it and  stare it down.I set down one afternoon and decided to count all the trials i was able to concur, they were countless, even being at that institution was an achievement.

"I am strong" i said to myself.If was able to go through all that and still came out a victor, I can just about anything

" I am strong because i know failure, fear and discourage but still have the courage to hold on and go on"- Anonymous

The second month into the semester we had the first event, it was a success. Both the chairperson and I’s confident was sky high. We concurred our fear Suddenly the committee was my playground, i loved and enjoyed organizing this events. I loved feeling the sense of accomplishment after every successful event i had helped organize. I was confident in my abilities

Two semesters later i had to go start doing my training. Instead of scared I was excited about the unknown, a world out there waiting for me to concur it.Little did i know the challenges awaiting me

 I found myself at the bottom of the ladder, in the City of Gold, a place where everyman is for himself, it was lonely i missed the glory days, i missed my student Representative committee Established men, who have their own and are driving beast cars all fell at my feet, a young girl straight from University,They all knew what i lacked and they were all gracefully willing to give it to me, willing to save me!, for a price of course!,I have to give up my value for a comfortable life.

Never! This phase of lack was just a step closer to my destiny that i had to take,it wasn’t going to remain the same forever,Life is a series of steps one has to take to get to their destination and i wasn’t intending to skip anyone of the steps and miss out on the lesson. I had to stand my ground and disregard the temptation

 I’m not where i want to go as yet but im very much looking forward to it because through my trails im strong,my personality makes me beautiful,im worthy because i respect myself as a woman,Im perfect in my own way and whats more important is that im me and im doing it my way 

Repeat the above paragraph highlighted in purple on your own and say it until you believe it because it is true.Let it all sink in the core of your mind because if u still dont believe in yourself no one will ever do ,never mind respect you as a person

Find your own  place in the sun and dance to your own music.Do not conform to any of the patterns of the world, do it your way and fun while at it.You deserve everything beautiful and everything beautiful you can get as long as you tap into that WoW factor in you

I'm not saying its going to be easy, you are going to be hurt,sad,afraid and discouraged at time but always keep the dream alive and gravitate confidently towards it.You are probably going to fail and make mistakes the first few times, i know i will but its in our mistakes that we learn what works and what doesn't

 Better to die trying than to have never tried at all

 While you are finding yourself and accomplishing a few things in your life remember to take time to celebrate. Don't be too hard on yourself

From us here at Sweets and Lemons we wish  you a very happy women's month,Laugh.love,Work,embrace,Share and be Polite